A graduate degree, thriving career, two boys and one prior marriage, plus he seemed like a Christian too. Surely this must be him. Surely this is “Boaz,” the man God had selected just for me. If all that weren’t perfect enough, he was commitment minded. No desire for endless dating, immediate talk of marriage and a future for “our” kids and family. I was falling quickly. And then it happened. It was the song, my song, that song that every time I heard it the lyrics made me cry. He played my song and said it represented how he felt about me. Of all the songs in the world, why that one? Clearly this was a sign from God to confirm my initial thoughts that he was indeed “the one.”
And there were other signs, acceptance by my friends and kids, blessing from many of the elders of my life and on and on….. The signs all pointed to him indeed being my guy. There is only one problem with this entire scenario. None of it was real. No degree (in fact he had to finish high school in night school), four sons not two (one he denied for 25 years), his great career in operations was actually an hourly sales job, hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt to include more than $250,000 in IRS debt alone. There was another marriage which may or may not have ever been dissolved and the biggest lie of all was the care and commitment towards me and my children. When my youngest daughter became seriously ill he rolled out, a mere year and two months after we said, “I do.” I could blog forever and not list all the ways he lied to me. He had essentially used me to provide a roof over his head and a place to visit with and entertain his family. I had been duped.
I was completely lost and mystified. The signs had been so clear that he was indeed my guy. What happened? The Bible says, “A wicked and adulterous generation looks for a sign, but none will be given it….” (Matthew 6:4). Clearly, I had missed that verse of scripture. So, how then, can we know that we are aligning with the right people for both friendship and relationship if signs can lead us in the wrong direction?
“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them.” (Matthew 7:15-20)
In short, the fruit don’t lie! You can’t fake fruit. Fruit is evidence that what should be produced, what is said to be being produced is in fact producing. The answers we seek are always found in the truth of God’s Word. No signs, feelings, or songs can ever replace checking our relationships against the truth of God’s Word. If I had taken the time to look for fruit of all he claimed to be I would have saved myself thousands of dollars, months of therapy and the devastation of divorce on my children.
Over the next few blogs we will take a closer look at the attributes of Boaz, especially for those sisters in a season of waiting. In fact, all of our friendships and relationships should pass the “fruit” test. Remember we should only want what God wants and what He sends to us. Since He is not the creator of lies & confusion, He does not send that to our lives, “The blessing of the LORD, it makes rich, and He adds no sorrow with it.” (Proverbs 10:22). So if the gift is from God, if it is His blessing, His plan it does not bring grief, mourning, distress, regret, anxiety, or sadness. For years in my single walk I would pray and ask God for discernment about the relationship situations I found myself in. Perhaps, what I should have been praying for was the ability to read.